.. [ 80 days ] ..

80 days. This BLOG is officially over, I have been transferred to Arizona.

Turtle, daddy is comig home!

Peace.

.. [ 79th day of out of control system ] ..

So yesterday my mother got the word that Arizona approved my transfer. I left a message with my CCO, and with the duty reporter of the day, as well as voice mail for the field administrator who bogarded my 11:00 meeting today. Which meant I went to the DOC twice today. Which a bit of a walk.

Rushing to get to me legal meeting when 12:00 came around waiting to speak to someone within the DOC, was nerve racking as the meeting I was having was with an attorney to help me litigate the law suite I have agasitn DOC. Ironically, for some of the very issues I am having here.

But, NOW she is telling me she will not call anyone until I give her the paper work that says AZ approved me.

We do not get these paperwork. It was a curiosity call from Arizoan to my mom. They faxes Washington the paperowrk on Monday. now, since she is out of the office she is not goign to adress it till Monday. Just liek all the never addressing the addresses.

I can not believe these people, here. She claims without it she will not make a phone call o the ICAOS since I am taking too much of her time.

But, wasn't her that helped perpetuate this homelessness?

I am at lsot of words.

Peace.

.. [ 78th day of out of control system ] ..I advocate carefulness in your reporting and I entertain the need of a comprehensive value-add proposition

Dear legislators, in reviewing the framework of your legislation in HB 1133 - 2007-08, Monitoring sex offenders. I was concerned that there appeared to be no oversight and allotment of any real-world cost analysis to public safety benefit in the report slated for delivery on or around December 31, 2007.

It appears, and what I see lacking, are no controls for oversight or identification of a benefit analysis to align the proposition that the dollars earmarked for this legislation is to enhance public safety and should be reconciled against a zero tolerance towards sex offender and recidivism in the community?

Providing the goal is not simply to implement technology on sex offenders, because it is feasible to do so, there could be no other resultant affect of any monitoring tool? The fact remains to date, no country has dealt with such a panacea as we see today regarding sex offenders. American public opinion is devoted not only financially but emotionally, to pay the costs to assure known sex offender criminalised are either incarcerated, kept on a short leech, or driven out of almost every community that elects to do so.

The concept of zero tolerance, in today's wake of legislation, is not only pushing the brink of sentencing, post conviction requirements, but as well broadening the ability for prosecutors to prosecute. In this vain, I entertain, that if this is the goal then a more comprehensive plan must be devised, than ad-hoc emotionally charged disparate legislation. Which often needs retooling, whenever a new unacceptable crime is committed. Thus curtailing problematic and costly revisions of old ideas yet again not working.

To move away from being recognized a few years from now as just another 'feel good' sex-offender law against the most-despised it is imperative to sit and retrace how and where the laws of come to date, and evaluate what, if any have we learned.

When we review these laws it must be openly evaluated as to the change and the empirical data as towards the tools enhancement of public safety. The benefits of each tools cost-effectiveness. The tools ability to deliver or change recidivism of sex offenders. And a cost analysis of program effectiveness to public benefit, perceived or not. There is no question that perception often out weighs actual relevance. But, in this case, it becomes the duty of the government to assure that perceived panacea, is in fact reality.

Today there appear to be many gaps in how the current system can benefit from electronic monitoring. Being a sex offender, regardless of how I got here, I can say the current identification process is week at its very foundation. The creation of the PSI (pre-sentence investigation inventory). Here the DOC interjects it first subject analysis of an offender. (It is important to note, although a defendant can object to the material within the PSI, if is very often allowed to be maintained as-is and as factual throughout an offenders DOC life span).

Currently, with this type of structure, the down-stream reports are compounded by an opion never mitigated or corrected by the current system. For example, in my PSI my attorney objected to it in its entirety, the judge accepted the objection, and ruled on my sentence without its use. But, for every report thereafter, made my the DOC the objected to report was used by the DOC.

If we were to conitue with this type of maligned procedural characterization of offenders, adding onto it a tool that electronically monitors offedners, becomes superficial, for the electronic monitoring tools functionality, although in isolation has value, will only have the ability to enhance public safety when it is worn by a correctly identified wearer.

The concern is not only in the effectiveness of monitoring and the benefit perceived or not. But is the current system capable enough to even properly identify a potentially at risk to reoffend sex offender? The answer is in the facts. No. In the current system the DOC controls all upstream reports which the local police department accepts as the representative profile of an offender. The PSI, LSI, CHI, RMA currently are developed through DOC administrators who have a limited amount of investigative police, therapeutic, and social service tool sets, and a magnitude of responsibility for reporting valid opinions that can later be used singuarily to represent a sex offenders risk in the community.

Although on it its face this lends to a high degree of capriciousness, in laying out the activity seen in the trenches, it is the departments best practice. In allowing these administrative type officials to make critical, potentially life saving decisions, as limited experienced evaluators is connecting the dots to liability, which are resulting in inconsistent metrics of measurement and a classifications scheme that relies more on subjectivity than objectivity, and dtractions from community safety.

The fact remains that any identification system that relies on subjective questioning and answering will always lend itself to skewed results. Even in the most conscientious examinees. Thus, when devoting a program utilizing any subsystem tool, such as electronic monitoring, it too will become prone to its antecedents failures.

This issue is concerning, as if not recognized and given its greater worth, will divert much needed resources, opposed to funneling it towards the greatest perception of need. I advocate carefulness in your reporting and I entertain the need of a comprehensive value-add proposition which puts the problem directly in hand and enhances a system that accumulates to safety to the community, and lives.

Peace.

.. [ 77th day of deludge ] ..It is about DOC doing their job and protecting the community!

Yesterday and today my new DOC officer gave me some quotable quotes, that are worth mentioning, as they reflect the deluge of troublesome over sight these people work within. This is not government lethargy, this is plain abuse of administrative power given to people who have let society motivate them to do bad things, opposed to staying within the spirit of the law:

" ... well I get to go home every night and sleep on a bed .. ""

"... o'yeah 'CCO' is in Olympia, and she says 'Hi.' ... " [ said with sarcasm ]

" ... O I am sorry, I called and left a message .." [ Yes, finally I submitted the address 13 days ago, in which the previous CCS, the person I submitted it to, and finally her, all said they would research it that day? This is not responsibility, this is irresponsibility. I am glad she has a bed to sleep in, I would wish the hard floor on noone. ]

"... everyone within the DOC knows who you are ..." [ which I respond, then why has nothing been done ]

"... well it depends on what kind of attention you want ..." [ No your wrong for I am asking for something simple; quit playing games, I have researched well over 2000 criagslist postings, and the few who have responded I have submitted. In each case everyone has been played games. Either, never calling. Waiting till someone else researches it. O wait, this BLOG says it all no more rant. ]

However the DOC position themselves, their exists the troublesome outstanding issue; that it has now been 77 days since the DOC capricosuly threw me out of my residence, never mitigating housing issues for an alleged level III sex offender who has been given the highest reoffend score, written about viciously in reports with unqualified accusations, and has emphasized when violated, he needed to spend maximum time in jail for the protection of the community. There is nothing more than simple to this matter, the DOC is horribly dysfunctional, and showing signs of it.

It is unfortunate the organization that can be quoted as saying that thy all know who I am, has yet to find a true leader. One that can accomplish a simple task. Mitigate the perceived risk of level III sex offenders.

In a gist, we have the media pounding how we must enact laws that are nothing more than feel good legislation. We have DOC officers who are acting capriciously, then covering their tracks through scrupulous report writing techniques. We have, allegedly all of DOC, knowing who I am, and none of them with the leadership to do the right thing.

This isn't about the DOC needing more funding, or about needing monitoring tools, such as ankle bracelets, this is about the DOC protecting the community, with the richest tool they have - common sense.

It is obvious every night as I sit in the shelter, watching the DOC play games of semantically working on approving addresses, I am reminded, that as the shelters fill, there is no need for more jails or a new DOC facility, there is a need for the organization charged with safety of known criminals to act, not punitively, but instead responsibly.

It is about DOC doing their job and protecting the community!

Day number 77.

Peace.

.. [ 76th day of being held hostage ] .. I am sure, he would have put a stop to this madness.

You know, if a person was held hostage for 76 days, the world would be in an uproar.

But, if a sex offender is held at hostage, it is called doing a great job.

There is a certain theme in the sex offender policy makers here in Washington. It appears to be postulated, "if a person is characterized as the most despised and then designated as a level III sex offender then he should be kept hostage until his keepers feel they are just."

But, who watches the keepers? Especially, keepers who are skilled at perpetuating the problem instead of solving are mitigating it?

That is the sex offender system we have here today in Washington. I can not forget how many times CCO's have told me, while smiling as they drove me to jail for yet another capricious violation, "It is what society wants."

This system calls for CCO's to write in reports, their opinions, then portray them as fact to the general public. With these same very opinions will then be used in Civil Commitment hearings for alleged sexual predators, or on a witness stand as character witnesses. There they will spill their opinion, allegedly based on years of experience, that the person in front of them are a danger to society. Sure, they may say the opposite, but really what kind of hearing would that be?

Today. I had the same CCO, who now is my new CCO, tell me 'your last CCO restricted you from an area' when I yet again submitted a new addresses, of so many that I have stopped counting. Trying to mitigate my own precarious homelessness, it is ironic that my now new CCO forgot that it was her alone who told me I was to be out of the U.District 76 days ago, 'by July 4 at 5pm.' And it was the very same CCS who prior to that date refused me to move to a place in Revenna, I provided days before.

In fact it as well this very same CCS, the other CCS was just recently replaced, who said, 'Nope, Ravenna is too close.' And would not allow me to stay at the Franklyn downtown, where other sex offenders live, allegedly due to 'safety reasons'. It is this same CCS, who used to be my CCO, who drove me out of the U.District area by pushing my last CCO to do his dirty work for him. Just like he tried before, but then the DOC had a bright star, a CCS, who only lasted several months. When I heard he left I had to send him an email telling him 'your a good man, I am sorry to see you leave.' I am sure, he would have put a stop to this madness. 76 days ago!

I sometimes feel bad when I look at the legal documents in front of me. I sometimes wonder, if that basketball player CCO will turn sour too? I sometimes look at the few I see with respect and I wonder, how long will it take before they too forget why they are really here.

Protection of the community.

Protection of the community.

Wait - wait - who am I - o yeah I forgot ... I am allegedly the bad wolf. The very same bad wolf that when it is important to justify long violations, or a capricious elevation from level I to II, then an aggravation from II to III, or in scoring that LSI or that CHR, or the PSI or that RMA I am the worst-of-worst, and that extraction from my home, where there is safety, is imperative! Imperative to the safety of the community. I do not forget, that the very CCO who is no longer my CCO, was in fact taken to my last address by my now new CCO.

Yeah, it is ways easy to describe a bad apple: All you have to do is write the words for this story. My fingers are tired. And ultimately, since this is more an inconvenience-than-not, I can only yet again emphasis my point.

No one cares about the safety of the community in the current system. They care more about what they appear to be doing.

The writing is on the wall, and I think I need to make an apple pie. Today is the 76th day. Tomorrow my 46th birthday. I reveal in what I see. For I know I am not homeless, I am being made homeless, to prove a point.

The question is, who will stop the madness? Because, you do know I am not hired to mitigate my own risk, and only find it refreshing to note, that my only vices are in writing these words.

Every morning I am awoken by a person in the shelter that says, 'the beat goes on, the beat goes on.' How appropriate, I just feel sorry for the next victim by some sex offender, who does not have my coping skills, or does have bad vices, and out of frustration commits new crimes at the hands of these very maligned CCO's behaviors.

Peace.

.. [ forty-one days greater than one ] ... "Because, I want to help you, and I think I know how."

forty-one days greater than one

When I was a kid I always dreamt of being a forest ranger. It motivated me from six the grade to a sophomore in college...

When I was a kid
and I passed through slip 'n slide
I dreamt of Yogi
Boobboo and the 'pick 'nick baskets a'glore.

When I was a bopper
I prayed born again prayers
never listened to records backwards
and prayed through osmosis
electron magnitude
and derivatives
praying each day of passing all
four years of English
math
and science so I could
sit and pray in a forest alone with god.

When I was in college I realized
God never meant me to be alone in a forest
and made me gay!

I sometimes wonder what my CCO's dreamt of when they were a little kid. I bet it was not about making sure they forced dreamful people on the streets. I bet it wasn't about making sure they used the small bit of power the courts call discretion, to make sure they did everything in their control to manipulate and hold dominion over their wards, even when their perception is absolutely wrong.

I bet, ah who cares! You can't change bad people, with dark hearts, you can only give them power. I am amazed on how I walk the halls of this department, always asking myself the same question when I meet a new or old CCO, "So why are you really wanting to work in the special sex offender unit?"

So far, I have only found that the SDRP department, has ever answered my question the way I thought was right, "Because, I want to help you, and I think I know how."

Peace.

.. [ thirty-nine days greater than one ] ... Sometimes you have to start over with a new wardrobe! But, the secret of true leadership is the knowing

When I consider what is really going on. The players. The gamers. The politics within the DOC, the politics without. There is a stigma I just can not get passed.

The stigma was ingrained in me when I worked as a consultant for county governments traveling all over the United States. In this consulting capacity and meeting certain political positioned types of officials, who were in desperate need of out companies services, after two and a half years - I left that company.

Not because I did not like the work. Or perhaps some of the people, or etc.. What I hated was the perception of lethargy that was instilled in these workers. I hated the way of doing business, opposed to the need of doing business. There was one constant pestering in my mind, one that was a reminder of a lesson I learned, yet again, from my mother who worked for the Department of Economic Security and other agencies.

Living this lethargy now, as an adult, brings to me words from her daily complaints during that time: '..they keep giving people who do not need food stamps - food stamps - and the people who do not know the procedures nothing.. Isn't that what we are supposed to be here for? So when I help them my supervisors get mad?'

Now although, this has nothing to do with my situation, it is a catalyst that drives me. My mother quit after 17 years of struggling to help the system help the people. I remember as a teenager telling her, 'Mom, do you think that is the right thing?', her answer, 'I can not stand seeing people play politics, manipulate people, and pretend to be doing something on paper, then positioning themselves to look like they are doing the right thing, when in fact they are not. I need peace of mind, my retirement will do.'

Wow, I remember thinking as a teenager, how could it be that bad, and how could it drive her so patiently? Privately, I was ashamed of my mother for quitting the fight. I felt she should have driven harder, driven to make the right change, the change she so well knew was needed.
Ha, now I see.

Today is the seventy-sixth day that should have never been greater than one. I am technically classified as a level III sex offender. And this state has no clue, for it is true by facts, that how I got here was based on over zealousness, callousness, and a critical slice of internal job mobility. It is disturbing that whenever a report is written, that justifies long incarceration time or when they want to demonize me to the community, they always talk about how much of a danger I am in the community.

None of this equates to government responsibility, or public safety, for now it has been 76 days, and the DOC of Washington has not a care, about mitigating a "perceived risk", that only exists when they want it to be convenient. Or like I was told today, 'where too busy'.

The change of guard, informed me that sure the address I submitted will eventually be verified, '.. but they are really busy and they can not jump to my wishes.' Hm, I wonder, I am asking to be placed back in the University district, in a different home, by the same landlord. There is not really anything to verify? That can not be seen on Google maps.

But, then again, I have to remind myself, I know the game, for it is now been since July 4, 2007, let me do the math, 24 + 31 + 21 = 76 days, since I presented the now new CCS several addresses, that where outside the University District area, and he told me they were too close.

Tonight, walking to the UGM, I will walk with a smile. For I have heard back from Arizona and their intentions in regards to my transfer to Arizona. Now to watch to see what I have learned from this conversation. But, in the end I am afraid, my experiences within the government sector, the private sector, and what I taught people who finally 'come out of the closet':

Sometimes you have to start over with a new wardrobe! But, the secret of true leadership is in the knowing! May not come to fruition. I have become a doubting-thomas, and I have lived a nightmare.

I am not a gambler, but I am laying $20 on this one!

Peace.

.. [ day greater than one ] ..

So I honestly think I lost count! LOL

Tonight when I check into my homeless shelter (UGM) I will figure out the count, since they keep miticulous track.

But, yeah, I am still homeless. Yesterday was a bit of a frustrating day. There is a lot to talk about. But, a lot I think I need to keep in.

So I will.

So yeah, yesterday was a very fruitful day. Usually, around this time music typically pops in my head and I psot a song of how I am feeling. But, today the only music I feel are the ones that the over teh counter cold medicine has not alleviated, and the ones of my feet.

Blisters, everywhere. I have never seen so many blisters on my feet! They are rubbed so raw that I swear it looks like a foot sufferring from leprorsy. Hm ...

I need to go sit some palce warm and fight this cold.


Peace.

.. [ day thirty-seven ] ..

Sicker than a dog. :| Where in the heck does that phrase come from?

.. [ day thirty-five ] ..

Curious serious of events ... watching :) ...

.. [ day thrity-two ] ..

SO today it is raining. Today, I have to change out of my shorts. Today, I have a cold.

Cough Cough.... Yesterday I droped my laptop, how will I surive?...!

Peace.

.. [ day thirty-one ] .. N I haven't been hit by a truck, sorry DOC!

So, today walking from thrift store to thrift store, I stumbled across a women selling her wares, and I have come to a horrible politically incorrect thought: "I am over 'let's do it for the children.'"

Yesterday, I walked into a second hand store. The lady owner started telling me the advantages of buying stuff from her store. "..for the children, we provide money from the store to local youth groups in the community."

"Well, I am glad to hear of your socially conscious," I say allowing my mind to run with it, "but, what about the adults? Am I hearing we shouldn't care about adults anymore?", yikes Mr. Homelessness!

The vendor looked at me with a smile. "Well that would be an AMEN."

Hm ... the store is in a very quaint part of Seattle called Queen Anne, it is a socially conscious community, that sits on one edge of the 1962's Worlds Fair Space Needle. This neighbourhood is soon to become a more thriving metropolis with Bill Gates building 100.000's of square-feet of space devoted to his philanthropic foundation. It currently is the home for middle income to lower high income housing, that has a high density of professional types. The area appears to have never been gentrified, since many of the high end grocery stores that reside there appear to have been there for well over 20 plus years.

I hate it there. Have always. Why, because I find it pretentious. I like raw reality, pre gentriefied communities. I like to be part of the muck, the rawness is exhilarating. More importantly, it is exciting to be at the onset of an awareness. Whether art, music, social, or just new. Like what the deep Eluum street used to be in Dallas, prior to the completion of its gentrification, it was a vibrant exhilarating area that brought to it amazing festivals and raw creativity that to me, became my Bauhaus, Da-Da experience.

But, that isn't the only reason, why Queen Anne has always made me uncomfortable, although, I used to love running up the steep Queen Anne hill to the Queen Anne Pool to swim with the masters program, I felt that the area had too many closeted deep rooted bigoted emotions.

While being now restricted from more comfortable settings, sitting at a cafe in the middle of this area writing, this BLOGS early entries, I overheard a conversation that affirmed my uncomfortableness of the neighbourhood.

A stoutly Theodore Roosevelt, but Jewish in appearance, man was having a nice-day-outside-the-office with his small petite Japanese secretary typing feverishly on her laptop. I witnessed, passer-bys after passer-bys stop, shaking his hand and having small chit chats that, more often than not, would joust the man in front of me with laughter and confidence.

Bored, and nosey. My attempts to eves drop was requiring me to have to move over several tables. I over came my yearn for human interaction and social discussion. I also realized that I must have been staring too often, as more than once I noticed his eyes caught mine. He revealed in his popularity that day, and I sat introspectively thinking of how I used to love to come to cafe's, mine own in particular, and do my work.

While moving my concentration to to my entry, I noticed an uncharateriztic silence of the crowd, that woke me back up to the jovial jaunt of this man mocking sex offenders to one of his passer-bys: "Oh yes there has been a committee formed to deal with sex offenders, can you imagine ..."

Quickly, I stared at him, he got my message. 'I am considered a sex offender sir, do you have something to say to my face?'

Remember that cartoon in the 50's that was always in the back of 'Richie Rich Magazines'? The one where the big hunky swimmer on the beach kicks sand in the face of the skinny young man dreaming he could was strong and beautiful enough to get the girl?

I do.

.. [ day thirty ] .. Polygrapher, "Uhm, you mean you haven't been hit by a truck, yet?"

So today, I was walked into the DOC, and I saw one of the polygraphers that is part of my law suite. The dialogue we had, was a little disturbing:

Myself, "Oh, Hi how is your day going?"

Polygrapher as he looks at me behind the DOC front counters glass window, "Uhm, you mean you haven't been hit by a truck, yet?"

Myself, "Nope, they all have your name on it, so I keep dodging them."

The secretaries in the office who over heard the conversation, sat their motionless. I was like WTF? Can you imagine, this guy making such a disturbing comment. Inside the DOC office walls, this guy gives polygraphs, some of who have to pay $150 an exam, to sex offenders, relying on him to interpret, with some respect of reliability! Or they will be incarcerated. (I always hear, 'Oh, you will not be incarcerated if you fail a polygraph.' But, when talking to many sex offenders, who have failed polygraphs on false-positives, you always here something quite differently. It is a fact, you do get arrested on polygraphs on false-positives. The fact that polygraphs alone do not lead to an arrest is a fiction. And the in reviewing both the best-practice and the results of the DOC Hearings, which are nothing more than a rubber stamp and a 'kangaroo court', it is evident that the many testimonies by these sex offenders are true, you get arrested on a polygraphers opinion and convicted on his report alone! Heck this guy wants to run me over, and is 'at ease' in saying this inside the DOC office. In front of fellow workers. But, in all honesty, this is no different in many ways from the many incorrect entries I have seen in chrono logs, the very same entries that caused me to start tape recording my DOC meetings!)

A man and a staff so willing to sit and accept such a comment, is disturbing. I mean, the statement is filled with bias, malicious intent towards wishing harm and more importantly a comfortableness to express this harm all within the confines of the DOC walls. But, I will be honest with you, this sex offender is not surprised. I have learned to live it being part of the DOC Special Sex Offender unit, on a daily basis. I saw it last year, when surprise polygraphs where being pushed upon me, and when I walked out from not failing, I saw the frustration in the CCO's faces. I saw it when I heard a CCO say, '..well you passed the exam because..' during a DOC hearing. It is fascinating, none of that information was mentioned when she decided to make a post conviction modus operandi on me. So she could blast to who ever wanted to hear it. I see ill unaccounted for behavior, in my everyday life, every time I walk into these offices.

Now, I never asked to roll the dice, it has been pushed upon me, under the auspices of not being anymore obtrusive than a urine or drug exam. I propose, that those exams have no test examiners wishing o run me over. Or is this case, for these exams to have the dice be loaded. I have talked to hundreds of sex offenders, and my feelings are affirmed.

What a dirty little game. One that looks great on paper ... great for CYA ... but does absolutely nothing for remediating the perception of a problem. Unless, of course you can discount, a government official, or someone acting in that capacity, being allowed to wish bodily harm on a sex offender as justifiable!

There was more about DOC. But, hey, its a record, that I just passed on to Senator Kohl-Welles, No changes. Just the same baited breadth.

Peace.

.. [ day twenty-nine ] .. Madonna

So I had that meeting with the CCS, today. The result is disturbing. So as a sex offender I discovered it is my responsibility to mitigate all risks I am allegedly am to the community. This CCS said, 'It is your responsibility to bringing us an address that fits under the acceptable criteria. Then we have, up to DOC policy 10 days to respond.'

I respond, "But, it was your group that made me a RM-A? It is your group that made me a level III, by putting into place fifth amendment waiver issues in front of me? But, it was your organization, and you, that signed documents that outlined me as a risk to homeless youth in the U-district and Capital hill areas? How is your group that every time I sit in front of a violation board that outlines my serious danger to society and ask for maximum sentence time? It is your group that wrote up a fallacious and in accurate Report of Alleged Violation report, outlining a 'MO'?"

I guess I really do not get it? Mitigation is not passive responsibility. Nor is it vigilante supervision. The discussion must be grounded in the exact processes that mitigate issues of safety as how it applies to risk, not on saving jobs, or advancing careers.

Oh yeah the other excuse, "We do not have funding to provide you a place to live that was taken away in June of this year."

Ha! I am not asking for funding, I am asking for you to stop being capricious, and recognize, if you are so diligent about justifying peoples incarcerations time, with these Risk Management tools, then don't discount them, when it is convenient for you.

It appears, maybe the system isn't broke? Maybe, these people have not done their homework?

I need to hear some Madonna tracks. Oh wait, bad link. Hm .. Maybe some Peaches? No, I can not even fathom to relive the prosecutors use of imagery using her form of 'dirty dancing','if you play the record backwards you will hear subliminal messages' parody to the jurors.

Ah.. what the heck no music! Just a picture.

.. [ day twenty-eight ] .. Avoidance.

So today I went to DOC. No CCS. No CCO. Hm .. I am disappointed. If I miss a meeting, off to jail I go.

I have noticed a trend with these special sex offender units. When ever a subject matter is being diverted they use avoidance as a ploy to divert. In this case, an appointment was made, and now both my CCO and the CCS where made unavailable.

In other news, I heard to day their is some plan, somewhere, where the subject matter pertains to making all level III homeless sex offenders wear ankle bracelets?

I should investigate this, this sure explains why they have not approved any addresses for me.

Peace.

.. [ day twenty-seven ] ..

Dear Ms. Regala, Sen. Debbie (regala.debbie@leg.wa.gov)

Today has been my 57th day living in the community. When I say living, I mean living, as emailed you several weeks back, the perpetuation that the DOC is keeping me homeless as punishment is quit disturbing.

Tomorrow, I have made a meeting with the CCS of my CCO. The discussion, "When is the DOC, in particular my CCO going to start mitigating my alleged risk in the community, opposed to managing it?"

It is clear that the legislature in giving the DOC discretion in approving addresses for sex offenders, did not do this as an act of vigilance. But, did that as a necessary administration duty with the necessary oversight accordingly; RCW 35A.42.050 RCW 42.20.040, RCW 42.20.050.

Today, in making a phone call to make an appointment with the supervisor of the Sexual Assault Unit, I had a brief and uncomfortable exchange that this supervisor, and her attempt to shift the burden of their duty to mitigate level III RMA sex offenders in the community. "It is your problem to find housing," she so quickly responded. "It is both are problems," I responded.

Mystified, I feel it is time to raise this issue to the level of capriciousness it deserves:

First I do not believe it was the intent of the legislature to have the DOC to simply manage sex offenders in the community. For that where true, then their would be no need to give CCO's discretion, or for the courts to protect that discretion, against capriciousness.

Second, the legislature has never intended for Homeless shelters, and the private dollars that fund them, to allow for the DOC to use them as drop off and late night baby sitting services. (Last night I witnessed a jail house argument amongst fellow inmates. Shelter-mates I mean. I turned to the guy in the pad next to me, "Don't you love it, just like old times.")

Third the legislature, in excluding non-violent sex offenses from the 880 foot rule, did not do this unintentionally. There is great National debate on residential restrictions and they lack of effectiveness. But one of them, at least in my case, is being very effective, the ability for the DOC to impose non qualifying punishment.

Fourth, and ultimately most critical in my complaint is that the DOC is acting with malicious intent and with deliberate indifference when they made me homeless after being restricted from the Capital Hill and University District areas. Its logic was due to a perceived fear of my risk to the community with homeless teenagers. Of course purely fallacious, and based completely on ad hominem attacks, its blatant attempt at appealing to mitigation of risk is founded only on personal considerations. But, logically, it is inconsistent with the result, which is my fifth point.

Fifth, by forcing me to homelessness, the DOC is enhancing the perceived risk of me being in the community. Acting, with complete indifference of the community at large and with malicious intent, by placing me around homelessness, the very reasons I was asked to leave the Capital Hill and University District areas.

Obviously, they are hoping for new alleged victims, or have intent to use an up and coming polygraph exam to justify their actions, or renew a wish to incarcerate, shut me up, and have ammunition to block my first amendment rights.

It is obvious, there is no trust in an organization that appears to act in the best interest of the public, but in fact are propagating the very issues surrounding risk. It is obvious, to me, that the DOC actions in removing me from an area where I had established living conditions by using an excuse that there where homeless teenagers around, is even inconsistent with the circumstances surrounding the alleged victim, who was not a homeless teenager. Unless of course the DOC has the perception that all homosexual teenagers are homeless? Or have a character issue that leads them to homelessness. Then I guess I can understand their highly defamatory characterization, otherwise its fallaciousness, and speaks directly to breaking a law!

In conclusion, in evaluating the 57 days of this issue I have coming to see a very clear picture: One, they are using homelessness and shelters to punish me. Two, they are continuing with this with malicious intent. Three, they have no wish to mitigate risk, as enhancing it, and potentially getting new victims, would serve their purposes greater. Four, if an RMA is so dangerous to the community, and he is incapable to secure housing, how does it not become the States responsibility, under the directive to mitigate risk, to not safeguard the community through solutions, not maintenance?

In my case, I commend the shelters I have relied upon, they are clear humanitrians and kind incarcerators. The community owes them a percentage of their much maligned DOC funding.

I contend that the system is broken, maligned and is abusing its discretion and I hope that my experience can help clarify and spark oversight in this issue.

I also, hope that you can help shed light on these abuses and fix it.

Respectfully,

Peace.

.. [ day twenty-six ] ..

Today I got a letter in the mail, it said:

'Mr. Homelessness, ..., was tried and convicted of rape of child in the third degree and communicating with a minor for immoral purposes based on his sexual relationship with a young teenage boy. Mr. Homelessness now files this personal restraint challenging his convictions under King County ... on a number of different grounds.
.
Accordingly, the petition should be transferred to the Washington Supreme court for review and consideration....'

Is there justice? Well, this is what I personally feel. The first statement curdles my skin! Give it up folks. This young man was raped by the lover of the states witness who pointed at me to protect his lover, then the state did the same to protect this conviction.

Enough now.

Now that we are potentially moving into a phase where the Supreme Court, may elect to hear or not hear my arguments; that the prosecutor in this case, had no legal ground to demonize a gay recanter, anymore than she does to impeach a heterosexual female one (rape shield laws).

This case has the smell of a tragic one; where the prosecutor in her own zeal, not only created many new victims, but by protecting the very people who raped this young man, she empowered them to keep control of a young mans psychological life and ruin another's.

When America government was founded it built into it strict protections against, Star Chamber, type of governmental persecution.

I interject two feelings of thought here: First a statement made by a women activist in an article I read over a year ago, a concept I was formulating in my head while tracking the history of sex crimes legislation in Washington, the article titled "Impact of false rape complaints Jonathon Harper [published in The Press Saturday February 4, 2006.], quotes:

'Back in 1996, a writer in Feminist Review, Camille Guy, criticized the feminist movement for becoming ‘chauvinistic’' to the extent that criticism was not countenanced of the violent and notorious abduction of playwright Mervyn Thompson, “Feminist reframing of sexual abuse has served to bring the abuse problem into the open,'' Guy wrote. “But it has also contributed to false allegations and over-zealous interventions which have destroyed lives just as cruelly as has abuse. It is time we opened our eyes to that.''

Second, the reasons we give prosecutors such great power and discretion is that we expect them to be above the law, not just kind-of-above it but greatly above it, and surely never ever below it!

Besides that, Calvin Cline's new line is amazing, the colors make me cry ...

Peace.

.. [ day twenty-five ] ..

Today at the UGM for preacher hour, many of the UGM's ministry program called 'New Horizons' got up and talked about their lives, what got them to be homeless, their drug and alcohol abuse, and how they were looking at life with a renewed value system.

A valued system of honesty, trust, respect and a direction. It was refreshing to see men trying to change their life and make the world a better place. More importantly seeing their passion I could tell they really had their hearts straight.

Hm.. I think I am going to take some flyer's and give them to some DOC officers I know.

Peace.

.. [ day twenty-four ] ..

I have to be honest. When I go to the Urban Rest Stop, I feel like I am in a Five Star Homeless Shelter.
Where is there justice, if I am not deprived of humanity?

Peace.

.. [ day twenty-three ] .. the system is failing, and these failures are perpetuating the very things we can control to make a change, and protect

OK,

Today was a busy day. After my long day of homage, I had a full day getting from place to place. Choosing to walk this time, since, I am gaining way too much weight.

I got an email, from a fellow activist, who was going to be at the meeting in Tacoma for the girl who recently was raped and murdered by a level I sex offender. I really wanted to go. First because, it disturbs me, that such a young girl and family had to pay with her life.

And as well, I really believe, although you can not prevent people who are prone to murder from murdering (Minority Report), psychologists have shown that managing depression is the best way to make help people who have been found to have this type of propensity. And importantly, I think this girls life could have been saved, but I really don't think the right questions are being asked.

If I had the ability to ask the questions, I would ask:

1. Can serial murders, rapists or criminals be stopped from committing crimes?
2. Are criminals committing these types of crimes, similar in what triggers them to commit crimes?
3. Can depression intervention prevent people who have been found to be prone to committing crimes?
4. Is our penal system doing enough to manage depression if this helps people who are identified as high risk to recidivate?
5. Is our judicial system doing enough to manage depression if this helps people who are identified as high risk to recidivate?
6. Is our legislature doing enough doing enough to manage depression if this helps people who are identified as high risk to recidivate?

I then would add my two cents of personal experience, by telling of an experience I had just today in the lobby and speaking to DOC CCO's and other sex offenders.' I have interjected by impressions of what I saw in italics after each statement:

..To my question of what is going on with the Mountlake Terrace address submission, I gave over 30 days ago, my CCO answered, so un carrying, 'No, the address in Mountlake Terrace, there is still no word.' Nor is there ever going o be a word. Since, it does not matter what you have written in the chrono logs, or said you did by fax, if you don't want the transfer, it will never happen. It has now been over 30 days since I first gave you the address, it is clear you want me homeless. Do you really think that when us sex offenders sit in this office, we do not talk, and we do not share stories, that you do this and similar things to everyone? It is obvious, you love the fact I am homeless, and you have absolutely no concern, because you know what we all know, most of us level III sex offenders are not a danger to society. You manage maybe 25 people, and you can not make sure a level III is not homeless?

..'So you are taking a shower everyday, where?' Quit looking at me with baited breadth, predator, like I told you yesterday, less than 18 hours ago, the Urban Stop is an amazing place that cares about people who are homeless.

..'I want you here between 8 and 9 each morning' So you made me homeless so that you can force me to come here every day and submit to 'your heiress?' This is more than punishment, this is a mental mind game. Luckily, I know the quickest way with dealing with being abused, is to know that your abuser is wrong!

..'So where are you going in the morning?' I need to know so I can touch you, because if I touch you every day ever hour I am mitigating risks.

..'What time does the UGM have you come in?' The UGM has told me that you guys have come by on more than one occasion looking to see if I am really here. They have told me, you have looked through the log book, you know I am here, quit asking me stupid questions. They are not even rhetorical, and they only emphasis by point that you have no clue on what are the right triggers.

The list goes on, but honestly, who cares. It is obvious the reason there is a meeting in Tacoma is because some poor family and their daughter got snatched, then murdered, by a level one sex offender; who the system after 17 years of implementation, have absolutely no way of anticipating propensity for a person to commit such a heinous crime.

But, could have they?

We have spent millions on building databases, hiring Special Offender Units, and we still are having horrendous crimes being committed. The very time these millions where spent on process and people, I proposed several years ago to Harold Clarke, that the very tools being they are so reliant upon, the LSI, CHS, RMA, etc.. to evaluate risks of offender's, where being implemented in such a manner that subjectivity disturbing. This objectivity was skewing facts and propagating misstatements of truths, and giving the state and public a false impressions of risk management.

My response? Well, none from the man himself, but Rob McKenna, the undersecretary of he DOC at the time, did take the time to respond: His response amounted to, 'we evaluated and have had the appropriate people look in to your complaint.' Their response, 'it appears you need to seek solution at the lowest level, then if that does not solve the problem, resend a complaint.'

I love the 'lowest level' response. It in effect says, we take our process over your belief that we should be accountable. Familiar, with the failed and very abusive use of lowest level solutions from Corporate America, I recognize that DOC actions are abusive and self perpetuate lack of accountability.

It is plain to see the the system is broke, and being in the trenches, I see now years later, the results of those ignored complaints, and it is soundly saying that not only is the system broke, but the DOC has now implemented some form form of internal self-healing, through a lowest level resolution policy, that is the purest form of governmental subterfuge. In my own personal experiences I find the following actions by the Special Offender Unit within DOC disturbing, and use the following facts as support:

1. The system makes sex offender's homeless, even when they have means of support.
2. They belittle sex offenders until they break and some commit violations!
3. Then they write in crono logs their unqualified opinions, that turn into facts the can use later be used as evidence during civil commitment hearings, or to raise their sex level registration levels.
4. In addition, the sex level registration process is broken. It is capricious in its implementation, and then the courts do nothing in real time to make it accountable!
5. The DOC special sex offender unit, writes in chronological logs, facts that are not representative of their supervisee. Then they arrest and incarcerate a person for tape recording their illegal activities, without first verifying the law supports their actions. Then abuse the court system, by making offenders initiate litigation to prove they are acting inappropriately.
6. The DOC along with the Seattle Police Departments, special sex offender units, work in tandem to propagate reoffend rates, by pushing sex offender's into positions of homelessness, feelings of lack of self worth, and no ability to develop self concept. These all anger the most sane of people and drive others to physical anger, depression and abuse! Ultimately, become the very triggers that contribute negatively to self worth and reentering society in a positive manner.

After speaking with countless sex offenders who are whispering, in fear of being retaliated against, I do not feel I am being harsh in any way, and am clearly delivering reflections of many sex offenders I have met.

What everyone is forgetting, is that sex offenders are forced into treatment, and in treatment, they are learning that their CCO's have no clue of what generates reoffense triggers.

I once heard a governor state, 'Our DOC officers are professionals.' I immediately wanted to get on line and send an email and say, 'they are not professionals for they show every sign of being vigilantes' and they surely are not trained as therapists, psychiatrist, psychoanalysts, the list goes on, for if they were, they would not be doing the very things that create anger and the triggers which commit crimes. A few days ago I got a correspondence in the mail offering me the opportunity to be a DOC officer, I read it and thought, OMG.

What I find fascinating, is that when I read the reports that have been written about me, and a few of others who have shared them with me, I see a common theme, a theme of deception in regard to triggers, triggers that are not representative of the offender's actual behavior. Today, as I was waiting for my CCO to see me. I saw a CCO come back from court, dressed up and looking rather dapper. In his hands a stack of cases. Poor guys, I thought, poor guys, where are their advocates? The ones that at minimum assure they are being represented to the community properly.

The decks are stacked. There is no words that can describe the abuse of a system that perpetuates the very actions which they purport to prtoect.

All of this of course creates anger, and I have more than not, have heard sex offenders talk about being forced into feelings of not being human, being forced to feel strong emotions that attack their very self worth. I have great empathy and sympathy for people who carry a burden of suffrage, even those who have committed very disturbing crimes. Especially, when it is evident they are working to set right, and the system is working so hard to against the very things that can create success.

Luckily, I suffer from homosexuality, and I learned a long time ago to ignore people 'who just don't get it'!

I do believe we can never stop crimes, and we do have the power to manage those that have committed crimes. But, the system is failing, and these failures are perpetuating negatively the very things we can control to make a change, and protect our communities.

Peace.

Yes he has died :( ...


... homage is in order ...

.. [ day twent-two ] .. Is it really?

Today I have been answering an answer. As I am walking back from the court house law library, and doing my weekly check-in, I felt a bit like a maniac ...

Yeah I used to do ballet! So what?

.. [ day twenty-one ] .. Purely Ironic

So this morning instead of my morning walk to bacon and eggs I took a bus ride to this fair City that has free wireless. Sitting in this Starbucks, I find myself in a pool of cops.

Yep it is the local cop hangout. I guess there must be a police station around here. I feel strangely uncomfortable. LOL.


Oh I get it now.

Peace.

.. [ day twenty ] .. relegate to a country or place by authoritative decree

Banishment: to expel from or relegate to a country or place by authoritative decree...to compel to depart. Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary. Second Edition

I had to share this study ... "The Impact of Residency Restrictions on Sex Offenders and Correctional Management Practices: A Literature Review", By Marcus Nieto, Senior Research Specialist and Professor David Jung, Public Law Research Institute, Hastings Law School. ISBN 1-58703-214-7.

Did I ever mention I saw Thomas Dolby in concert?

.. [ day nineteen ] ... “YOU GO GIRL!”

Today I went to Mass, and as I sat amongst the pool of small white haired people, several thoughts resonated in me. One, I hope some day I become a small person. Two, I love the “Peace be with you.” part of Mass, it feels like Christmas. Third, and finally after taking communion, passing on the wine as usual, I was sitting in the same row as two young ladies, one 94 the other 95, during the wine part of communion one of them took a very long sip of wine. The chug was so long that everyone watched in suspense wondering when she would release the kraft.

One thought filled my mind ... “YOU GO GIRL!”

Peace.

.. [ day eighteen ] .. Sippenhaft

So those that know what "Sippenhaft" is we must never forget where we been. I am not by any means a historian. In fact one of the classes I flunked in high school, besides PE - which is ironic in itself, was World History. But, as I grew older I found that I fell in love with foreign movies. In one I heard the term "Sippenhaft" and when I took German in college, I researched its use, and was shocked at the layer of social change that Germany withstood in its history.

I guess, today I have to admit, as I did my 5:00AM walk past the many tall buildings where I use to work, I looked up past my old office, and stopped in homage of a life I used to love. Passing, these familiar buildings, and the company I used to work for, made me realize that my past will never be my future. The tag of sex offender not only impacts every element of my future, but affects every intimate detail of my family as well.

To date I have emailed over 1,000 places telling them my story trying to find a place to live. I have sent well over 3,000 emails to people on Craigslist, telling everyone my story, trying to be up front, straight forward about my situation just to get an interview. To date I have gotten a handful of returns, from passionate people who right me back. Irregardless if it is a denial, the 'Thanks, thank you for your honesty, but, we can not hire sex offenders.' I always return a reply something to the effect of, 'Thank you, for responding, it is rare and very appreciated.'

Knowing that email is not the way to find a job. I guess, I have to admit, I am embarrassed by my situation. I feel I need to create a wall of acceptance before I feel safe to arrive at their door to say, "Hello, my name is "Mr. Sex Offender and as well precariously homeless".

Blessed with a strong family, I recognize I have been given gift that not too many people in my situation have. Seems that they are thousands of miles away, I have found the skills developed while coming out, has helped me cope with general look of disgust and hate when dealing with people who find out my situation. When a stranger say 'Thank You', every so often I feel feel guilty for not telling them everything about me. It crosses my mind that I need to give them "full disclosure", then I stop myself and think, 'Dude that is really f#ck## up', what is making you feel this way?"

Demonized for the alleged safety of our future, walking passed the very same buildings, where I once sat in large conference rooms adding important input to various large corporate meetings, I feel at odds walking now homeless in front of building where I once detailed solutions of complicated matters, sometimes finding it trite, I know see its mundaneness as exhilarating. Always aware of the line between arrogance and confidence, I seemed to have excelled under stress and pressure. It is ironic that those same characteristics are the same factors considered as a risk to reoffend [1] and became a predecessor for the prosecutor to claim, "You see Mr. Homelessness is a quick thinker and a master at ..." ah who cares, it is these very type of statements that has made me lose faith in the system as it pertains to sex offenses, lets get real! But, who would guess that my previous Corporate wrangling would be the ammunition I would need to get through the trenches of prison politics and the hierarchy of the system allowing, and in one instance allowing prisoners to call sex offenders "rape-o's".

In prison, I learned to be safe, I needed to run 34 miles a week, which gave me a bi of prison 'respect'. I did what they called 'my time not anyone else's'. And I toned my ability to dodge questionable stares of are 'you's?'and avoided 'Bubba's'. It appears corporate politics was the training ground for my future of three squares and a cot.

I remembered once being told how I was too aloof and not serious enough for Corporate America, even though it was my project that was under budget and ahead of schedule. I also remember staring now in front of the same building, where several weeks after that criticism I was deep in my elevator campaign with a VP that I needed to sign-off on a process that was a much needed customer solution. She talking to me as I was giving her my 30 second 500 foot view she ells me after my spill is over, 'You know your laugher is contagious.' Caught off-guard, I was more shocked by candidness, 'It is either that or cry' as I exited the elevator and my opportunity shut as she went up to the executives floor, I remembered the blank look on her face as the door shut wondering did I make my point? Or did I accomplish what I already knew, "Mr. Homelessness your a weirdo."

Today, my posting is late. I went to my usual restaurant, had my usual bacon and eggs, and had to suffer a loss of words. But only because the restaurant has two power outlets, and both where taken! I am actually glad that happened now, for the day ended up uncomfortable, and it gave me something to talk about. The new director of the UGM held the evening prayer meeting tonight, and him and I had a small discussion after he noticed me crack my computer open so I could make this entry.

Never a loss for words, I was very nervous. (After all, I am not the best Christian in town and living under his roof made me remember that I must live by their rules. Which being a little too opinionated on the subject matter of Christianity and homosexuality I did not in any way to have this discussion.)

The director a good looking gentlemen in his early or mid-thirties, ex military type, reminded me of a person who was too young for his position, but his polish assured me that he was a professional and m fears where unwarranted. In fact, he proved to be both compassionate and very socially aware of the impact of his work. I could see as well, that his ministry work, was genuine and a natural part of who he was.

Today I preoccupied myself with art ...
[1] The LSI used in Washington state in my opinion is more subjective than accurate, and finds the study by Colorado Department of Corrections, Validation of the Level of Supervision Inventory (LSI) for Community Based Offenders in Colorado: Phase II more than highly relevant. This study claimed in 1999, "The LSI was predictive of outcome with parolees but not community corrections offenders."

.. [ day seventeen ] .. l must say, in my final analysis, only my mom doing my laundry has made my new type of laundry day easier .. ty!

As the DOC officer asked me today, "So, how are you keeping your clothes so clean, that shirt looks like it should attract dirt?"

This morning was a cool morning. Waking each morning I find that i appears my usual time clock, rained religiously for the last 30 years, is being rudely broken.

I am starting to enjoy my 5AM walk to breakfast, yikes does this mean I am starting to be assimilated? As I observe the truly homeless walking the streets choosing not to seek out these fine services, their panhandling (the profession that never has a break has brought them to a new day. Night that has now become morning, the coolness of the morning reminds me of what I enjoys so much about the night.

There is such a calm at 4:30 in the morning, in some cities the clubs have just closed, and the cities Denny's or local diner, is full with exhausted or dreamy eyed customers. The liquor in most cases worn off a quick bacon and eggs or shared omelet finish the night and the early morning day break.

In this city, the clubs have been closed for several hours, the local diners are now empty, and there is no GAY Denny's to find the clubbers who have he same general opinion of life, or for me to order my usual ice cream sunday and cup of coffee.

Walking to my destination, I pass an occasional person I know from jail, prison, or the shelter, who didn't find refuge that night. I dismiss questions of "Sir can you spare a dollar?" or "I am sorry I didn't mean to bug you." A phrase that almost made me stop and actually hand her some change. But, I never do, cause as in the past I never have.

I admire the landscape set before me of the Puget Sound, passing Marion, Madison and Spring streets and depending on the day, the view of docked bulk carriers, or Ro-Ro's parked in the middle of the sound, sound asleep, give me a moment of tranquility once achieved by my love for travel and visiting strange cities and being surrounded by unfamiliar people. Perched on these streets, like a bird looking over its nest, I have seen beautiful pictured landscapes of moons on the water, in fact a few days ago an eclipsed moon; overcasts of fog that took me into a three dimensional view life and out of my one-dimensional view of my situation. These days, I so find myself peering into the text on this screen that has become my pen and my escape. Tempted to disturb the landscape before, and of yet never acted upon, I tell myself that I should walk to the boardwalk and observe the glassy reflections that I see from afar.

A hater of the mundane I am quickly reminded that the mundane would drive me crazy, I dismiss the hike knowing the hike would begin the transformation out of my athletic figure of French fries and crispy bacon!

For today I have a mission, the much awaited re-opening of the Urban Stop is to happen. Seven years in business, I hear the friendly attendant tell another client. This place, small but quaint, had finally expanded after fiver years of anticipation, once again the tour guide proclaims, is a wash and shower facility. When I approached the building I could see that other early morning clients heard the shelter was finally reopening. Sharing "Hello's." and "How you been?" and with the usual politician demeanor I acquired in Portland, I reacted with my usual polish of my past, "Hey are you? When you get out? You staying out of trouble? Cool, that's awesome, have a good day, and stay out of trouble?" This in closing I present my smile that reminds me that I am not on of hem, but with as fast a polish, I remember, why I was walking to the facility to begin with.

Most know me by my last name, and they always tell the people they are with if any, this is the guy who is fighting DOC. I of course dismiss that, and remind them that in fact I am not fighting the DOC, but in fact I am just trying to elevate the awareness of what is happening. In the days of old, we used to call this type of understanding as "eating-your-own-dog-food." Perhaps, the next time a policy maker puts forth a "good idea" maybe they should "eat-their-own-dog-food?"

Nothing has changed. Maybe the city, maybe ... Ah who cares.

In the Urban Stop, I was generally surprised, if you wanted to, you could take a shower, and be given a pair of coveralls so that you can as well wash the clothes on your back! Not since I traveled in Europe with a backpack and several At Risk Kids who I dared to graduate from high school at my expense, did I experience such hospitality.

Avoiding the red coverall, I walked out from the shop, clean treated professionally and with a genuine carrying attitude by the staff, the same general demeanor I received by the Compass Center, the UGM, the Bread of Life, New Horizons and I thought?

What the heck?

I must say, in my final analysis, only my mom doing my laundry has made my new type of laundry day easier. Thank You

AMEN CORNER - (IF PARADISE IS) HALF AS NICE


Peace.

.. [ day sixteen ] .. with all fairness & It appears the theme of the week for the DOC and me is "perception."

Within all fairness, I have to finally admit, that the CCO I spoke to on Tuesday appears to have made some effort in rectifying my homeless situation.

But where in, renting apartments or rooms, is on a first come first serve basis. With the rental now being investigated finally 12 days later - it unfortunately - apperas to have a perception that someone's which to make me homeless has succeeded, yet again. (Being in this situation since July 4, 2007, that makes it a whopping 58 days to date).

The potential landlord told DOC on Tuesday, to call her back on Thursday, to see if the place was sill available as she found other potential residents.

Bringing it all together, it has been over 30 days since I submitted the Mountlake Terrace address, which I have heard absolutely nothing; 58 days since I was forced out of a perfectly acceptable home, which is now n an area that I am restricted from visiting or living, which happens to be where all my friends live, of which we paid 45 days in a hotel waiting for some kind of answer for paper work that appears was only submitted, 10 days after it was stated, "I will fax this right now, and" and the games began. I already talked about this so I am not going to rehash, abuse. Or for that matter the $4510 in hotel costs alone.

The issue of being restricted, was brought into play after initially being found guilty then later not guilty of an alleged violation of a no contact order. But, taking it all in stride I recognize the real reason why I was taken out of the gay neighbourhood and University district. It was about power, power, power. The fact the DOC officer has kept the condition, and the DOC higher ups refuse to answer my appeal, is called capriciousness. More importantly an abuse of their power.

It appears the theme of the week for the DOC and me is "perception." Mr. Homelessness perception of the world is different than ours.

Research finds: "When inferring the causes of behavior, too much weight is accorded to personal qualities and dispositions of the actor and not enough to situational determinants of the actor's behavior. People also overestimate their own importance as both a cause and a target of the behavior of others. Finally, people often perceive relationships that do not in fact exist, because they do not have an intuitive understanding of the kinds and amount of information needed to prove a relationship." Center for the Study of Intelligence Central Intelligence Agency 1999, Chapter 11, "Biases in Perception of Cause and Effect". [emphasis self].

Anyways.

Here is some fascinating information!!


Also CSOM, CSOM is administered by the Center for Effective Public Policy and the American Probation and Parole Association.

Peace.
Thank You, REFLEX, Politics of Dancing:

..[ day fifteen].. is there anything more to say?

--- 00 ---


Of course there is ....

Today was an interesting morning. I have been told in a message by my CCO, “Your are homeless you are to report every day the the DOC office!” With that command, regardless of the fact they are the ones controlling my homelessness, I went to the office as directed. That was the interesting part, for I like to get affirmations of my “perceptions.”

When I walk into the office, the first thing I am old to do by the duty officer, which is the same thing asked of me yesterday when I went to my weekly chick-in, the daily duty officer (one of my ex CCO's) tells me “empty your pockets and put your bag in the office next to mine.”

It appears they are very sensitive. Since last year I become very frustrated with CCO's putting whatever they wanted into the chrono-logs, many things that were not said, or where improper reflections of what did happen in the office with me. So I did what may people have done to police officers who are acting improperly, I started tape recording various meetings. Of course since this state has the tightest Privacy Act in the country, I was very well versed in the law that I could tape record a non-private communication with only the permission of one person. DOC highly offended, by me recording them, violated me for 90 days, saying I broke a law. I am still waiting for the DOC Regional panel to render a decision on the appeal I filed now over two months ago. I venture that they are hesitant, to relinquish the power that they have, to make a ruling that will be challenged and will ultimately lose in the courts.

After I emptied my pockets, I walked into the office and the CCO said out loud, “So you said you had a recording device in your pocket?” Quickly spanning my surroundings, I saw through my peripheral vision and directly several vultures surrounding the room in anticipation of my answer, as if I was in a show down at “OK corral”, I felt the lynch mob was waiting for my answer with baited breadth.

“Ha!” I claim, “G, I said have you heard in regards to the appeal I filed about the tape recordings.”

As in the in the movies, the crowd began to slowly disperse, and I see through my peripheral vision that the hang loose was disappointingly being removed.

How do you know when you are dealing with a predator? It is in their eyes and in their whole demeanour when they have successfully come to their preys weakest moment.

As I sit in this CCO's office, the next exchange reminds me, that I have entered a predators office. With a poster of James Dean as the only posting in his office, ironic to me considering the many trysts in out of homosexuality this icon made, this daily duty officer asks me several mundane questions that lead to a redraw.

“So your staying at the UGM?”

“Yes.” I answer.

“And of course you have verification?” He states while his body language and his fingers begin tp move to the front of his chair, with a now pouncing position, he is ready for the if I garnish him the answer his eyes tell me wants.

“Yes.” I answer thinking, Wow this guy is with bated breadth wants to arrest me.

“And of course, that is in your bag?” As we moves back into his chair.

“Yes.” I answer, self assured that I will not be on this predators dinner plate.

“Well of course, you left that in your bag right? Knowing that I would want it, you just left it in you bag?” He says sounding irritated.

Wait, wasn't it was him who told me to take everything out of my pocket? Wasn't him who told me to move my bag to an adjoining office?

I am be beginning to think that maybe these DOC folks feel they have to act like a predator so that they can enhance public safety. Perhaps DOC thinks that if they make people homeless, drive them crazy with dominion, make them feel like they are trapped in their cage, that they will come to their total submission?

Perhaps they have learned too much?

Perhaps like bulldogs, who are trained to kill by placing them in a cage, the school of DOC has figured out the real way to perpetuate hysteria is to deteriorate every element of self worth that a person has?

But in all fairness, perhaps, I am totally wrong and like a polygrapher told me once, “Mr. Homelessness I do not understand why you will not sign this form, 100,000 other people have?”

My answer was and still is the same, “My name is Mister Homelessness, glad to meet you.”

This all leads to a story that outlines the self imposed affirmation I received when I was young: once while in seventh grade, walking back from the Boys Club with my best friend, he reached into his pocket and pulled out what I later found out to be a joint. As he lit it and took a deep lip pursing drag and while he held his breadth, then began to release the smoke slowly he handed it to me, as if I knew what to do with it? “What the hell is that?” I asked, starting to smell something that was quite different that my mom's pack of Kools. Seeing him begin to bend over slightly and cough he proclaimed to me:

“It's a joint, don't always be such a square, try it!”

“Nah, that's ok.” I replied, I actually thought being a square, meant I followed the rules and that was okay? "Ah c'mon, your such a sissy."

He knew that was the one word that would make me mad! I hated being called that! But, I just kept the feeling inside, after all he was my protector at school, he was bigger than me, and without him who would I have to protect me?

"Nah." I said, waiting for his smart-ass response, but instead he just looked at me, "Yeah, your a sissy that's why I kick everyone's butt for you."

Can't argue with that, can you?

Everyday that the DOC tests me for drugs, sometimes every week, I remember that day when I so proudly believed that being a square was something that meant I followed the rules. I smile each time I go into the bathroom and watch these perfectly unfamiliar men, stare at my genitalia. In my thoughts I call them 'penis watchers' and I sometimes think of the strangeness of men watching other men in bathrooms, and how far off this is not, from what in the gay world we term as "penis gazers". This is not an affectionate term! I also think I would have nightmares if I had to do that as a job.

I guess I am a square.

.. [ day fourteen ] .. really now

Last night I got my mat slip, day number 14 it said, wow have I been doing this for 14 days?

How do you know when someone is putting things in the record that are lies:

1. The person who tells you that they went to the house so verify the address says "the house appears to be vacant".

2. The person who tells you that that the "place has a playground around it."

So to expose the lies, all you have to do is follow this logic:

1. The house is in fact a CONDO that appears to have be a very nice apartment complex that was converted into Condo's.

2. If they would have found the Condo, it took me on foot almost an hour to find it, they would have had to look into the kitchen window of the apartment that they have to run into before they get to he front door! The kitchen window shows a fully furnished apartment.

3. If they saw a play ground then they were absolutely wrong because non-exists! There is a tennis court as you drive into the complex. But, like I said earlier, this is a very nice Condo complex, and one tennis court that is part of a complex does not make it a play ground.

Next how do you know when DOC is not concerned about public safety?

1. If I truly am a level III sex offender and a danger to society, then being able walk to my home unnoticed and randomly would be paramount.

2. If I truly am a level III sex offender and a danger to society, then having a permanent place for the SPD to check on me would be paramount.

3. If I truly am a level III sex offender and a danger to society, then the list goes on ... for if they truly cared they would have left a message at the shelter instead of doing exactly what it took to leave me at the shelter.

But, you see I don't think that is what DOC wants ... what they want to do is push people to doing drugs. Push people to making themselves their own victim. Push people to feeling depressed. Push people to showing they have dominion over them. What DOC really wants is to tell people, see we are right, our perceptions of this vacuum are really true and it recidivates.

But, what DOC doesn't get ... is that I am not that person. In fact that person was a level I allegedly named 42-year-old Terapon Adhahn.

The system in Washington that designates sex levels is broken. It is capricious, and more importantly; DOC has no vision of what it is controlling.

It is plane to see, that not even an independent review of its best practices would work, because as the Chrono logs above show, people who work within the DOC have no accountability of what they enter into those logs. It is a shame, that in my case they are so focused on something more than a perceived danger. They are focused on winning!

Winning doesn't save lives in this case. Accurately determining risk does!

You know it generally takes 3 seconds for someone just to say ok your housing is approved/disapproved. Now waiting for over 2 weeks!

LOL.

Crazy! O Dead or Alive is playing above me at this restaurant, "Like a Record" .... I love the disco ball!!



Peace

.. [ day thirteen ] .. todays news makes me sick -if you develop some form of feel good legislation that does exactly the thing that creates the crime

Today's newspapers have on their front page huge spreads about two subject matters: "imprisoned, unprotected", deals with sexual abuse at the SeaTac prison; and "Teacher in sex case lost jobs before Tacoma, Lessons not learned".

Both, garnishing huge front page spreads sitting here in my morning writing station emotions pass by me that evoke tiredness to all the desensitization I am forming towards hearing about all these crazy sex cases. When I read the articles I became instantly upset with the information written about. Not the issues, but the fact that many of these articles are dehumanizing about what appears to be a real issue at hand, that rape, as a form of fortunately forbidden sex, sells news papers. With rape laws being so broadly brush stroked we are finding what was once based on circumstance is now based on prosecutorial discretion.

Lets review all the news in the last few days, news about some disturbing guy from Washington, who may be back on his way to Washington, who went to California preached about his not illegal views (not old news of course for even South Park has done a similar skit for a different group). But, this guy got run out of that state and is on his way somewhere and people on the net are trying to do a GPS internet style track of his migration. Then on Friday, I can not leave out the news about the guy who in Florida has been given the death sentence, his father was a catalyst in some of the changes in law as of late. But, a role model not, since amongst other things, his own past and his youngest sons present has proven that sex laws written to broadly can possibly make a mess out of what once was a prudent restrain from overzealousness.

I have to admit, for the first time in over a year, I dug into my pocket and paid the .85 cents to buy these papers. But, what does this all have to do with the plight of my homelessness?

Well, actually a lot, for one - and this may be politically incorrect to say - but in my limited and judgmental opinion I do not see a plight in homelessness. For in my case of homelessness, I am only inconvenienced by having to walk from one shelter to another in order to shower and being bombarded by Christian values. Besides the fact I find myself surrounded by so many people who appear to have mental health issues, and apparently no place to live, I see the rest as being no different than the regular customer who in my pasted visited my cafe for a cup of coffee, an hour or two of Internet, and a warm place to sit during a bad and long Portland rainy day. From the drug addict perspective, I find very few here and in fact saw far more coming down addicts in jail. There of course is a drug addict issue, especially some who are homless, but that issue to be is completly distinctive than the occassional drug addict or alcoholic who stays at a homless shelter.

What I see do see here, are people who have serious mental health intervention issues, who have may have always been homeless and ex-cons! This sounds like a mental health crises and a penological abuse issue wedded together and packaged as a form of governmental housing plight to me.

I am strong believer in organization's like ATSA who in a 2005 was advocated about and provided sourcing about the creditability and repercussions of Residency laws:

'The Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers, as their website says, "is an international organization focused specifically on the prevention of sexual abuse through effective management of sex offenders." It lists its goals as: "Elimination of sexual victimization. The protection of our communities through responsible and ethical treatment of sex offenders. The prevention of sexual assault through effective management of sex offenders. The maintenance of high standards of professionalism and integrity within its membership." Its website, which is choke full of interesting information, is here. Check it out.' Published an Amicus Brief on the issues surrounding homelessness and sex offender's which include, ""Sex offender residency statutes increase the risk of harm to children." The main reason is that residency restrictions increase isolation, unemployment, depression, homelessness, and instability, which are risk factors for sexual offenders to re-offend. It's worth pondering: if those who treat sexual offenders are opposed to residency restrictions--if they argue that such laws put potential victims at greater risk--why would states pass these laws?

You mean why would state or government agencies provide the very triggers that make people oppressed? Then say they are protecting there people? As one Senator in this state said, "it makes people feel better?" Well, with all due respects, if this state has created feel good legislation that not only persecutes but prosecutes people who are accused of sex crimes, and these "solutions" make people "feel good?" then aren't you in fact perpetuating the very same triggers that make people prone to commit the crimes?

Isn't this a form of the same same logic used when this state adopted the "constructive possession laws"? Which hold you accountable for everything and anything that could be in your possession without you knowing? Transferring the logic in this case to if you develop some form of feel good legislation that does exactly the thing that created crime, you should not as well be held accountable?

I have seen homelessness in Brazil, India, Shanghai, Korea, Thailand, Colombia, Mexico, and throughout Europe. Although, I did not go there as a tourist or as a humanitarian. I went there on business, lived in 5 star hotels and turned my usual blind eye to who lived in the squalors below my lavishly decorated and services windows.

But, what I did see was true homelessness. Homelessness not propagated by a governmental organizations attempting to gain power over its ward, or people who chose drugs over paying their landlord, or dealer, or people who distrusted their "payee" and went homeless in defiance. Or what I think more disturbing people who post Regan's dismantle of the social mental health system where lost or put into prisons, perhaps the people I am seeing here today are the fallout of these very same governmental programs? But in these many third world countries I am starting to visit the idea that quite possibly maybe I saw something in many ways more humanitarian?

What I saw was a way of life. A life that wasn't self perpetuating for it was a born right. A right in many countries inescapable. People have often asked me of all the countries I have been to which one was the most memorable? I immediately answer with the same Country; India. Then I immediately explain why: 'I think I admire the people the most, for I saw something I will never forget. I saw a true classless society built into a caste system.'

I know that may not make sense, but let me explain my point. In a classless society, Marxist theory, everyone is the same, and in India there was no question the poor knew their position in life, knowing very they could not move easily from it, I saw what I think was peace, A peace you never see in the average American. I not only saw this in many people living in cardboard boxes next to brand new American corporation buildings, which I often looked out from onto the people, but I saw this in the Corporate people who shuttled me around, who were of the other caste group. I saw their maids and house keepers happy with their ability to serve their employers. (Something I remembered dearly when my own grandmother used to come home from work wearing the maid uniform she wore working for a local doctor).

I was extremely saddened by the homeless kids running around pretending they didn't have tongues, trying to gain sympathy from me so that I would give them a dollar or two (this being 1999 I only had to pay chauffeur's $3 a day to drive me around all day). Although these young eyes always moved me to sympathy, I never gave them a cent, taking the advice of a fellow traveler in Brazil, that kids who beg like this often take money back to their boss's who protect them. Instead, I smiled at them spoke English to them, recognizing they most likely knew English, and got them to laugh by teasing them by making a joke about myself, "What you think I can't tell you don't have a tongue, and I am a stupid American?" Which of course would elicit a response, a response that they shouldn't have given me if they didn't know English. Then I'd tell them, "See your a smart guy/girl take that to your books, and you will not have to beg from a crazy American like me." With a smile, that let them know I knew their game, but wouldn't tell.

Even though, I knew Brazil was not India, I knew that if children where doing this then there had to be an adult encouraging the activity. In fact this was confirmed by the driver when I asked him why so many kids do this, his reply 'Because, most Americans give them a $2 to $3, that is the same amount as you pay me for a days work."

One of the reasons I love this cafe I am at is that often I can hear some of the music I love. For example, as I am writing this entry I have just been taken back 25 years to 1982, the first concert I have went to post Born Again Christian and my Coming-out! The song "London Calling" by the Clash. The song of my rebellious coming-out youth.



Peace.

.. [ day eleven ] .. 'Garfield. The big soft chair!' a short story

taken from working title '13 days' ...

In the front of our apartment was a park the size of a football field where all the neighborhood kids hung out, played baseball, football, and staged our communal Easter egg hunts. It was here where I heard my first dirty joke, my cousin “Sister”, informed me that penis's did more than piss. I don't remember the joke exactly, something about belly buttons and Gomer Pyle, “'My Gomer that isn't my belly button? - 'That ain't my finger either!'” I was flush with redness, when I understood what she meant. This same grassy nole was where I was taught how girls ran differently than boys. “Girls run with their arms bent and swaying side to side. Guys – 'like you' – run with their arms bent, at 90 degree angles, swinging straight up and down! Stop running like a 'SISSY'!” Being the youngest of four boys. This name would stick all through out my adolescent years.

This same grassy area served as the buffer between a string of mirrored units which we shared the duplex with a family named the Bracamonte's. Our neighbors most notable and distinguishing features were they had a cousin named “Boy”, and son which I shared his same birthday. Although, my mother was friendly with them, it would be my siblings, who would maintain a long lasting friendship as the years transpired. Our families crossed similar social program paths, we both moved into the projects around the same time, we both moved to the South side of Phoenix, as part of a new housing project that built homes for low-income families in existing well established neighborhoods.

I don't know the history of gentrification, but the newness of the homes into the older well established neighborhoods created more of a distinguisher amongst the pecking order found in neighborhood kids. Our family being 5 deep, instantly brought a impact amongst the street basketball, field baseball, and two-man blacktop football games that further defined the neighborhood order.

My brothers, all ended up going to South Mountain High school, with the Bracamante's family, and over the years I became very fond of sharing my birthday party with Nick, he being very attractive and courteous at that; it was always disheartening, when instead of sharing a cake together, he would just call me on our birthdays.
The Bracamonte's, where also a Hispanic family, but of a Nuclear type. I always sensed an at odds, between my mother and this family. Although, I think it was more based on my mothers protectiveness in keeping us close to her side. My mother a women of short stature, around 5 foot 3, but of huge presence. Although, her stature was synonymous to the Hispanic-maid-type “Carmen Miranda” her maid qualities where more predisposed to being an excellent and frugal cook, the neighborhood mom and bequeathing us with a line of athletic genetics. Giving birth to each of us she always returned to her pre-pregnancy weight and kepping her attractive look, so much so, that when in grade school and middle school male teachers often would ask "Is your mom single?" With disgust most of the time and sometimes shame, I awlays knew what was the right answer, "NO!"

The Bracamonte's had three sons (used to make me thing of the tv show, My three Sons) and a daughter (used to remind me it wasn't the tv show) a year younger than myself. I used to believe, that since our units where single leveled, we lived in the “upper-class projects. It would be my best friend Ricky who would inform me that “the projects” were after all “The-Projects!”

A few days after my first lesson of boys and girls anatomies. My mom dropped me a challenge: “Mike, do you think you are good enough to handle kindergarten?” Kindergarten wasn't a new concept to me. I knew from my brothers that it involved school, and that meant I would be able to get dressed each day and go with them, instead of off to some nursery somewhere. I thought, hey, “School? That could be fun. I would be able to get up each day and leave like my brothers.

But what about this 'good enough' part of her question? Is she implying – I am bad? I mean does good enough imply, that you have to be bad sometimes? Or is 'good enough' mean just better than good? Obviously, If good was part of the question, then I am always good.” So I answered, “Yeah.”

“Mijo, you have to listen and do what the teacher tells you, Ok. Everyone is expecting that you to be 5, so you have to act older, OK?” My siblings being six, eight and ten at the time, it would be several years that my status as the youngest would be challenged, by my sister Raquel. Having a latch key childhood, I became an expert negotiator, always dodging the wrath of the older siblings dominance when ever my mother left the home. I was an early adopter of a concept called Risk Management learning how to make the rotary dial of the phone spin with a level of efficiency that shocked my brothers. I feared no one and they quickly learned, that there youngest sibling was a bonafide, 'cry baby'! Yes I admit it, I had a clear understanding of their power once my mother left the room, and if they crossed that line I made damn sure they got back on the other side.

Growing up was difficult with my brothers, they often starred at me with looks of anger and frustration, and i soon learned that this feeling of uncomfortable, these glares of hate, disgust and resentment was my first lesson of life; Lesson one: If you find yourself hated for insisting on being treated fairly, then you must learn, not to let other peoples problems be yours.

Once my sister was born, my mother took in a boarder from Mexico who spoke no English, and our home was filled with a young lady in her early 20's who showered my sister with affection and coddled to her every need. She soon became her “Nina”, when she was baptized, and not too long after she arrived from Mexico, she moved out of our home after marrying an American citizen. My sisters, Nina, was very loyal to my sister, and especially loyal to my family, and this dedication gave me my first realization that Mexican culture and American culture have are two distinctly different. I often wondered if this was due to our cultural bases? One inborn and driven to protect at all costs, the other based constitutionally on religion freedom from government.

Like a bear protecting her cub, or a dog protecting her litter, trusting no one, not even her owners. While the other more sophisticated and developed; the distinction between these two cultures gave me my first taste of clash. In one hand the raw animalness of an outsider, who loved my sister to what appeared to be an extreme degree of protection where my mother gave unquestioned trust. While the other with the insistence that an “outsider” must be kept an arms distance away.

Being born the same year that the “Berlin Wall” was built; President Kennedy tried to open the doors of Latin America; Social upheaval in America was focused on civil rights; and the Hispanic culture would soon be engrossed with migrant worker rights, and their ensuing riots, led by Caesar Chavez, I find it curious that many of my instincts towards family and who we can trust, was built around an extended family member, who was brought into the home to help my mother. Growing up in an era where television shows like 'Hazel', 'Ozzie and Harriet', 'Andy Griffith Show ', and 'the Bachelor Father's reruns , my concept of family was never confined to my primary baby sitter as a child. The television, and the 'white picket fence families' they portrayed where strong influences in my perception of who I was and added to my conscious that the Hispanic extended family is nothing more than an extension of an idea once preached by a former White House First Lady, “it takes a village to raise a child”. Boy did I have a village.

Being the youngest, I was the most sensitive, to my brothers athleticism and dominance. In Hispanic culture they called it Machismo; where sports take a higher priority over education and religion is the central theme to an idea that our mothers are the core of our existence. Catholicism, strong in our culture elevates Mother Mary to her rightful core of a family unit. Where discussions of sexuality, are limited to virility, and ideas of masturbation and homosexuality, are taboo. My mother was a liberal thinker in one manner a staunch conservative in others.

Our family in many ways was not the typical Hispanic latchkey type, my mother was a staunch believer that our past would not be our future. She attempted to remove us from the many Hispanic constraints that surrounded us, by emphasis education, over anything else. She refused to teach us our native tongue; telling us that Hispanic workers are often prejudiced because of the accent and the language barrier. Her concept of success included a important grasp of the English language, and the need to overcome any deficiencies through education. Being a single mother, with 4 young boys, she reluctantly chose government housing as a temporary solution to reach independence, through the ownership of her own home. She augmented the need to receive help with taking a full-time job, and refusing welfare and other government subsidies to survive. To her it wasn't about qualifying, it was about, empowerment; Lesson two: “You don't need to take, if you can work.”

{ page 1-4 }