Showing posts with label coming-out. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coming-out. Show all posts

Monday, August 27, 2007

.. [ day thirteen ] .. todays news makes me sick -if you develop some form of feel good legislation that does exactly the thing that creates the crime

Today's newspapers have on their front page huge spreads about two subject matters: "imprisoned, unprotected", deals with sexual abuse at the SeaTac prison; and "Teacher in sex case lost jobs before Tacoma, Lessons not learned".

Both, garnishing huge front page spreads sitting here in my morning writing station emotions pass by me that evoke tiredness to all the desensitization I am forming towards hearing about all these crazy sex cases. When I read the articles I became instantly upset with the information written about. Not the issues, but the fact that many of these articles are dehumanizing about what appears to be a real issue at hand, that rape, as a form of fortunately forbidden sex, sells news papers. With rape laws being so broadly brush stroked we are finding what was once based on circumstance is now based on prosecutorial discretion.

Lets review all the news in the last few days, news about some disturbing guy from Washington, who may be back on his way to Washington, who went to California preached about his not illegal views (not old news of course for even South Park has done a similar skit for a different group). But, this guy got run out of that state and is on his way somewhere and people on the net are trying to do a GPS internet style track of his migration. Then on Friday, I can not leave out the news about the guy who in Florida has been given the death sentence, his father was a catalyst in some of the changes in law as of late. But, a role model not, since amongst other things, his own past and his youngest sons present has proven that sex laws written to broadly can possibly make a mess out of what once was a prudent restrain from overzealousness.

I have to admit, for the first time in over a year, I dug into my pocket and paid the .85 cents to buy these papers. But, what does this all have to do with the plight of my homelessness?

Well, actually a lot, for one - and this may be politically incorrect to say - but in my limited and judgmental opinion I do not see a plight in homelessness. For in my case of homelessness, I am only inconvenienced by having to walk from one shelter to another in order to shower and being bombarded by Christian values. Besides the fact I find myself surrounded by so many people who appear to have mental health issues, and apparently no place to live, I see the rest as being no different than the regular customer who in my pasted visited my cafe for a cup of coffee, an hour or two of Internet, and a warm place to sit during a bad and long Portland rainy day. From the drug addict perspective, I find very few here and in fact saw far more coming down addicts in jail. There of course is a drug addict issue, especially some who are homless, but that issue to be is completly distinctive than the occassional drug addict or alcoholic who stays at a homless shelter.

What I see do see here, are people who have serious mental health intervention issues, who have may have always been homeless and ex-cons! This sounds like a mental health crises and a penological abuse issue wedded together and packaged as a form of governmental housing plight to me.

I am strong believer in organization's like ATSA who in a 2005 was advocated about and provided sourcing about the creditability and repercussions of Residency laws:

'The Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers, as their website says, "is an international organization focused specifically on the prevention of sexual abuse through effective management of sex offenders." It lists its goals as: "Elimination of sexual victimization. The protection of our communities through responsible and ethical treatment of sex offenders. The prevention of sexual assault through effective management of sex offenders. The maintenance of high standards of professionalism and integrity within its membership." Its website, which is choke full of interesting information, is here. Check it out.' Published an Amicus Brief on the issues surrounding homelessness and sex offender's which include, ""Sex offender residency statutes increase the risk of harm to children." The main reason is that residency restrictions increase isolation, unemployment, depression, homelessness, and instability, which are risk factors for sexual offenders to re-offend. It's worth pondering: if those who treat sexual offenders are opposed to residency restrictions--if they argue that such laws put potential victims at greater risk--why would states pass these laws?

You mean why would state or government agencies provide the very triggers that make people oppressed?
Then say they are protecting there people? As one Senator in this state said, "it makes people feel better?" Well, with all due respects, if this state has created feel good legislation that not only persecutes but prosecutes people who are accused of sex crimes, and these "solutions" make people "feel good?" then aren't you in fact perpetuating the very same triggers that make people prone to commit the crimes?

Isn't this a form of the same same logic used when this state adopted the "constructive possession laws"? Which hold you accountable for everything and anything that could be in your possession without you knowing? Transferring the logic in this case to if you develop some form of feel good legislation that does exactly the thing that created crime, you should not as well be held accountable?

I have seen homelessness in Brazil, India, Shanghai, Korea, Thailand, Colombia, Mexico, and throughout Europe. Although, I did not go there as a tourist or as a humanitarian. I went there on business, lived in 5 star hotels and turned my usual blind eye to who lived in the squalors below my lavishly decorated and services windows.

But, what I did see was true homelessness. Homelessness not propagated by a governmental organizations attempting to gain power over its ward, or people who chose drugs over paying their landlord, or dealer, or people who distrusted their "payee" and went homeless in defiance. Or what I think more disturbing people who post Regan's dismantle of the social mental health system where lost or put into prisons, perhaps the people I am seeing here today are the fallout of these very same governmental programs? But in these many third world countries I am starting to visit the idea that quite possibly maybe I saw something in many ways more humanitarian?

What I saw was a way of life. A life that wasn't self perpetuating for it was a born right. A right in many countries inescapable. People have often asked me of all the countries I have been to which one was the most memorable? I immediately answer with the same Country; India. Then I immediately explain why: 'I think I admire the people the most, for I saw something I will never forget. I saw a true classless society built into a caste system.'

I know that may not make sense, but let me explain my point. In a classless society, Marxist theory, everyone is the same, and in India there was no question the poor knew their position in life, knowing very they could not move easily from it, I saw what I think was peace, A peace you never see in the average American. I not only saw this in many people living in cardboard boxes next to brand new American corporation buildings, which I often looked out from onto the people, but I saw this in the Corporate people who shuttled me around, who were of the other caste group. I saw their maids and house keepers happy with their ability to serve their employers. (Something I remembered dearly when my own grandmother used to come home from work wearing the maid uniform she wore working for a local doctor).

I was extremely saddened by the homeless kids running around pretending they didn't have tongues, trying to gain sympathy from me so that I would give them a dollar or two (this being 1999 I only had to pay chauffeur's $3 a day to drive me around all day). Although these young eyes always moved me to sympathy, I never gave them a cent, taking the advice of a fellow traveler in Brazil, that kids who beg like this often take money back to their boss's who protect them. Instead, I smiled at them spoke English to them, recognizing they most likely knew English, and got them to laugh by teasing them by making a joke about myself, "What you think I can't tell you don't have a tongue, and I am a stupid American?" Which of course would elicit a response, a response that they shouldn't have given me if they didn't know English. Then I'd tell them, "See your a smart guy/girl take that to your books, and you will not have to beg from a crazy American like me." With a smile, that let them know I knew their game, but wouldn't tell.

Even though, I knew Brazil was not India, I knew that if children where doing this then there had to be an adult encouraging the activity. In fact this was confirmed by the driver when I asked him why so many kids do this, his reply 'Because, most Americans give them a $2 to $3, that is the same amount as you pay me for a days work."

One of the reasons I love this cafe I am at is that often I can hear some of the music I love. For example, as I am writing this entry I have just been taken back 25 years to 1982, the first concert I have went to post Born Again Christian and my Coming-out! The song "London Calling" by the Clash. The song of my rebellious coming-out youth.



Peace.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

sweat anticipation of my first night of homelessness

"It is like I have to micromanage the DOC so that they do not act capriciously against my best interest. In all my years of working with people in the private and public sector, I have never seen a situation where the courts have given authority to a group of people who are accountable only to themselves. It is a self-policing, self-regulating organization, that has a very lose set of rules governed by a few, apparently meaning well administrative types."

Today is August 14, 2007, and it is early morning of the last night of being a non-homeless American. Although, I have been capriciously elevated to a level III sex offender, for over a year now, I have had a very difficult time in stabilizing a career or a home. Tomorrow morning, I will wake up by 8am from the bed my 72 year mother has provided for me in the only Motel in all of down town Seattle, Washington that would accept me. My mother and I walked and talked to well over 50 hotels and motels in down town Seattle and the Aurora district, failing to find a place that would take me as a level III sex offender. We submitted well over 200 postings on Craigslist, only to receive maybe 5 responses, all "sorry we already rented the room.”

We used a kind of not-telling-the-whole-truth at first tactic when talking to the motels, and it was fascinating to see the OK migrate to a "UHM no". The transparency of the business owners was quite alarming. First, my mother who is small in stature, a 5'2 Hispanic Grey haired women who was beautiful in her day, nut since my brothers murder in 2002, has deteriorated fast. During certain glimpses of sunlight I can see the smile that gave her beauty during her youth. Now the once vibrant smile has turned to disappointing wrinkles.

When talking to these hoteliers I usually started off with that I needed an address, since I had a probation officer who would have to confirm the address. Then I would proceed to telling them about my conviction. Typically, if not always, the reply is always met with "its OK". But, when I finally tell them that I am a level III sex offender and then give them a brief overview of the challenges I have been faced with they always change their minds.

Exhaustively approaching over 50 hotel and motels; places, in the past I would never allow my mother to hang her hat, places I would never leave my suit cases alone in, places where murder convicts are never given a second nod when asked to "sign here", places where I find signs posted that open prostitution is not allowed, places where live-in managers claim how safe their motels are and where they allow their 11 and 12 year sons and daughters to live with them, and places where I found open wrappers of condoms hidden in corners of the dark stair case we walked to check-a-room-out. They even denied us.

I live the humility of what my life has become. And now I have to make the distinction that I am not homeless, but I have been made to be homeless.

This homeless journey began in January of 2004, when I was wrongfully accused of having a sexual relationship with a young man named B. He at the time was 14, and when I met him just after my 42nd birthday, he had just come-out, 4 months previously.

When dealing with the issue of being gay, and coming out, the whole experience takes around 2 years to over come all the social, familial, and personal struggles surrounding the crises. I have often talked to people just coming out emphasizing that being gay shouldn't be a crises, but if they accepted it is, they can understand how to adjust better. They can put into perspective the hugely magnified as unacceptable emotions that are typically found in heterosexuality and its coming-out to sexuality period.

Irregardless of the age someone decides to come-out. The indifference between the two, suffers no ageism, and is hugely cultural. With the onset of youth organizations such as the Gay-Straight-Alliance (GSA), which was founded in part by KP a great friend of mine in Salt lake City, Utah and her high school lover Mikel, the inroads to the coming-out experience have only changed slightly since I was a young man in my late teens. Seattle, in my opinion, although at first appearance appears to be a very progressive city, issues such as gay marriage have meet a strong resistance and city acceptance ordinances for same-sex health benefits only recently narrowly passed into law. Issues that where addressed light years ahead from more conservative cities where I grew up, and came out myself.

I remember, my first gay right rally in front of City Counsel in Arizona. The issue: adopting a city ordinance for same-sex health benefits. The year 1991. Me and 10,000 other faggots and supporters. I was afraid the world would come down on me. It did not.

12 years later I met B, he told me that he thought it would probably not be a very good idea to befriend him, "You probably don't want to be my friend, because, like two weeks ago, my parents checked me into a hospital ... because I had a really bad cutting episode, after they would not let me see Scott any more, and they said I was trying to kill myself."

Hearing this over a cup of coffee, at a popular side walk cafe on Broadway, not 90 minutes after sitting over a cup of coffee, I was stunned with the ease this young mans' willingness to voice a clear understanding of some of the prejudices people would have on his self-mutilation. Along with his candidness about how he felt hurt by the fact his parents would forbid him from seeing his first crush, Scott. Listening to this young man, I saw a person who was typical of many young coming-out men his age, but different. It took several months for me to see the things, that gave him life experiences beyond his years. His abuse as a young child, the emotions he portrayed in relating the public showing of acceptance surrounding him being gay and the private show of anger that I witnessed involving CPS.

Initially I assured him, that his personal life in regards to his cutting, was something I had no knowledge, but it clearly was not anything that would cause me to create any judgment against him as an adult. I proceeded to encourage him to investigate the ideas his therapist old him about the subject matter, I went online and gave him articles about other cutters to read, and I told him that its ok, I do not judge. Within time he confessed to me his early years of abuse, from aged 6-10, and I assured him that telling his parents and his therapist where important. And over the very short period of time, I worked at giving him the understanding how to talk about to them, more than me would be good, and that the life-experiences he now possessed could be beneficial to talk about. He said, "in time" I knew he needed time, and that it was important for me to not betray his ability to act when he was ready.

So initially, I asked the obvious questions: How does it feel to cut? Does it take away a feeling? Does it create new feelings? Does it numb your mind? Are you upset about something? His answers where candidly straight forward and honest: “I like how it feels!” My responses where always quite theatrical and as we laughed through the "ouch's", "oh's-oh's-oh's", "damn I could never do that” and “Shit – I am a wimp!" I could see that B needed someone, an adult, to talk to – who like him was gay – and not afraid to hear his side.

That first day, we laughed, until I got the call from my employee who I was waiting for so I could take him to his birthday dinner. I told B that he should meet him, as he was turning 19, was going to start working at Abercrombie & Fitch, was gay and a great guy, who just recently came-out himself was looking to meet gay people for friendships only and that he was welcome to come to dinner with us if he wanted.

He joined us, and we all went to a dinner to celebrate my employees birthday, which was a long standing tradition, with me and my employees.

None of this of course answers directly how I became a sex offender or for that matter homeless, and how they relate, and of course they surely do.

I first want to answer the latter question as it is the catalyst that made me start this blog: The Department of Corrections has not been willing to approve an address for me to live. My community custody officer (CCO) has not been completely honest about what she has done in regards to my transfer to Arizona, and has been using a "the check is in the mail" technique, where it is apparent one thing is being said and communicated within the DOC and then another to myself.

For example, she said I will submit an emergency transfer, since we will not let you live in the University District or the Capital Hill area anymore then she allegedly "faxed the paper work". I do believe that something was faxed, quit possibly the paperwork but to where it went no one really knows. But, I can tell you we do know that for 10 days no paper work arrived in Arizona, where we had someone waiting to receive it. And what we as well know is that my mom paid $120 a night for a hotel anticipating the two day approval time given to us once the DOC received the documents. I believed in good faith, that the paperwork was submitted as promised. And I do know once Arizona received the paper work they responded within one day, well under the two days as required.

I find it fascinating that this CCO, stated to me she faxed it to the ICAOS folks in Arizona, then later states she faxed it to Olympia, all the while her stories are never straight, but semantically correct. But, it has always been my believe that if in fact the check was in the mail, if it hasn't been received 14 days after it was said to be sent, that in fact possibly it was never sent. It is clear that I received an email form AZ ICAOS that supports the theory it was never sent, until a day before they responded to the initial request..

I am homeless now, and the recipient of the effects of this CCO's actions. To compound it she has added a one mile radius from a school or park requirement, and has refused addresses I have given to them, all of which already have SO living in the area. $4000 of hotel rooms have been accumulated. Something, obviously that could have been prevented, if this CCO would have been forthright. 10 days into the in action, I approached the CCS (supervisor)and she said that I "should prepare for an alternative housing situation, and what have I been doing with my time?". This abrupt behavior gave me the indication that they were in fact stalling the whole transfer.

I quickly confronted her with the concept that it was obviously they where attempting to block my transfer, and that I wanted to understand why the transfer had not been initiated. She claimed it was and that she would email Interstate compact of Washington's to see where it was? The fact remains, that it was not until that phone call did I get a confirmation from Arizona, whom I was calling daily, telling me finally that they had received the necessary paper work.

It is like I have to micromanage the DOC so that they do not act capriciously against my best interest. In all my years of working with people in the private and public sector, I have never seen a situation where the courts have given authority to a group of people who are accountable only to themselves. It is a self-policing, self-regulating organization, that has a very lose set of rules governed by a few, apparently meaning well administrative types.

Unfortunately, what you really have is a set of people who are abusing their power given to them by the courts, who have compounded their behavior by a self serving policy of seeking a solution "at the lowest level."

In Corporate America, this type of philosophy would be classified in the waste paper basket as being nothing more that "circular logic" that contributed to the problem, rather than resolving it. At its very core the principle of seem a solution at the lowest level, is reliant on a principle of complete honesty. But, what if you have a system where semantic interpretations are problematic? Can that system support the necessary ingredient of honesty, needed for it to be successful? I propose, from what i have seen in practice by the special sex offender unit in Washington State, the answer is NO.

It is unfortunate, that in a very few cases, will the complaining supervisee ever see relief from the courts. For the courts have a system amongst itself where a gate-keeper (acting judge, or and administrative type given some quasi judicial power) always takes the side that on appellant bears the burden of proof is on the complaining part to prove a constitutional right has occurred. At first glance this though would be intuitively correct, but in practice there exists a real problem where a petitioner must first understand the legal wrangling necessary to show such a violation, then the next must have the where with all of documenting the abuses. The courts perhaps already know this, and perhaps so does the DOC, hence yet another example of abuse.

Wrapping it up in a nut shell - this is why I am homeless. I am not willing to sit here and play dead, and it appears DOC and the CCO's (6 so far) have all have had enough of my legal shenanigans, so much so that they are willing to push the legal envelope and make an effort to make me suffer. The real issue, is that it is obvious, that with suffrage comes a price.