When I consider what is really going on. The players. The gamers. The politics within the DOC, the politics without. There is a stigma I just can not get passed.
The stigma was ingrained in me when I worked as a consultant for county governments traveling all over the United States. In this consulting capacity and meeting certain political positioned types of officials, who were in desperate need of out companies services, after two and a half years - I left that company.
Not because I did not like the work. Or perhaps some of the people, or etc.. What I hated was the perception of lethargy that was instilled in these workers. I hated the way of doing business, opposed to the need of doing business. There was one constant pestering in my mind, one that was a reminder of a lesson I learned, yet again, from my mother who worked for the Department of Economic Security and other agencies.
Living this lethargy now, as an adult, brings to me words from her daily complaints during that time: '..they keep giving people who do not need food stamps - food stamps - and the people who do not know the procedures nothing.. Isn't that what we are supposed to be here for? So when I help them my supervisors get mad?'
Now although, this has nothing to do with my situation, it is a catalyst that drives me. My mother quit after 17 years of struggling to help the system help the people. I remember as a teenager telling her, 'Mom, do you think that is the right thing?', her answer, 'I can not stand seeing people play politics, manipulate people, and pretend to be doing something on paper, then positioning themselves to look like they are doing the right thing, when in fact they are not. I need peace of mind, my retirement will do.'
Wow, I remember thinking as a teenager, how could it be that bad, and how could it drive her so patiently? Privately, I was ashamed of my mother for quitting the fight. I felt she should have driven harder, driven to make the right change, the change she so well knew was needed.
Ha, now I see.
Today is the seventy-sixth day that should have never been greater than one. I am technically classified as a level III sex offender. And this state has no clue, for it is true by facts, that how I got here was based on over zealousness, callousness, and a critical slice of internal job mobility. It is disturbing that whenever a report is written, that justifies long incarceration time or when they want to demonize me to the community, they always talk about how much of a danger I am in the community.
None of this equates to government responsibility, or public safety, for now it has been 76 days, and the DOC of Washington has not a care, about mitigating a "perceived risk", that only exists when they want it to be convenient. Or like I was told today, 'where too busy'.
The change of guard, informed me that sure the address I submitted will eventually be verified, '.. but they are really busy and they can not jump to my wishes.' Hm, I wonder, I am asking to be placed back in the University district, in a different home, by the same landlord. There is not really anything to verify? That can not be seen on Google maps.
But, then again, I have to remind myself, I know the game, for it is now been since July 4, 2007, let me do the math, 24 + 31 + 21 = 76 days, since I presented the now new CCS several addresses, that where outside the University District area, and he told me they were too close.
Tonight, walking to the UGM, I will walk with a smile. For I have heard back from Arizona and their intentions in regards to my transfer to Arizona. Now to watch to see what I have learned from this conversation. But, in the end I am afraid, my experiences within the government sector, the private sector, and what I taught people who finally 'come out of the closet':
Sometimes you have to start over with a new wardrobe! But, the secret of true leadership is in the knowing! May not come to fruition. I have become a doubting-thomas, and I have lived a nightmare.
I am not a gambler, but I am laying $20 on this one!